From my son, Joel . . . . . . . . . .
It happened in the kitchen. I’ll never forget the look on dad’s face. It was utter fury.
I was being rude to my mom. Really rude.
Dad stormed into the kitchen and sent me to my room, preparing me for the eminent spanking. I’ll never forget what he said.
“You do not talk to your mother that way. She is your mother. But most importantly, she is my wife and I will not tolerate anyone speaking to my wife that way.”
From then on I knew dad had mom’s back. If I was rude to mom I was going to hear about it because I was disrespecting the woman my dad loved.
I found safety in this. I knew dad and mom were on a team. I couldn’t divide and conquer. They were a united front.
From Rick . . . . . . . . . .
It’s good to know we appeared to be “a united front”. In reality we were like a duck in water. On the surface he seems to glide effortlessly. What you can’t see is that underneath he is paddling like crazy.
We were two parents paddling like crazy to figure out how to raise godly kids. Sometimes Jana and I didn’t agree. When she disapproved she waited till we were alone to tell me. Often she was right and I had to go back and apologize to the kids. But often we just didn’t know what was right.
That is why we did our best to follow principles – looking at how God deals with us and then applying that to how we deal with our children. One area where it’s crucial we have this Biblical perspective is regarding love and respect.
Obviously we want our children to love us. But that desire can enslave us to the whims of our children. We fear losing their love so we fail to confront them or we crater when engaged in a conflict of the wills.
I’ve seen parents fall apart when I child barks out, “I don’t love you.” What they fail to realize is that a child doesn’t know the first thing about love anyway. Love is sacrificial, caring for another more than you care for yourself.
“I don’t love you because you don’t give me what I want” is self-focused idolatry. We don’t want to foster that sort of “love” anyway.
True love begins with respect.
We cannot love God unless we first respect Him – or in Biblical terms – without “the fear of the Lord”. Neither can our child truly love us unless they first respect us.
Fear losing your child’s respect much more than you fear losing their love.
He is the faithful God who … lavishes his unfailing love on those who love him and obey his commands. But he does not hesitate to punish and destroy those who reject him. Deuteronomy 7:9,10 (NLT)
Sure we want our kids to love us but it’s more important that they respect us.
Because if they do not respect us they can never truly love us.
No Comments