I was talking with a mother of a teenage daughter and could not believe what I was hearing. This single mom was actively involved in the church I had recently begun pastoring and she claimed to be a Christian. But she was pressuring her teenage daughter to marry a young man who made it clear he was not a believer. As we talked, it became clear that she didn’t even like the guy. The daughter was infatuated with him but was telling mom she wasn’t ready to get married.
So, finally, I had to ask, “Why do you want your daughter to marry this guy you don’t even like?” Her answer was possibly one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard a parent say.
“I want her to get married as soon as possible so she doesn’t get pregnant before she gets married.”
The highest goal this mother was shooting for in her daughter’s life was that she would get married before she got pregnant. Her dreams and aspirations for her daughter had nothing to do with her daughter’s character, morality or living a life pleasing to God. It simply had to do with not embarrassing mom.
Of course, all of us want our daughters to be married before they get pregnant but that should be the byproduct of a life of purity and holiness unto the Lord. It is totally inadequate as a goal in itself. The goal needs to be to raise a godly young woman who fears the Lord and will honor him with her whole spirit, soul and, of course, body.
Like me, you are probably stunned at the stupidity of this “Christian” mom. But, I have to tell you, I have seen many parents with goals that aren’t much better. “I want my kids to get good-paying jobs.” “I want my kids to get college degrees.” “I want my kid to be a doctor, lawyer, successful businessperson.”
What’s wrong with being educated, employed and successful?
Nothing. Just like there is nothing wrong with wanting your daughter to be married before getting pregnant. But none of these are acceptable goals for our kids. Can I suggest an alternative target to shoot for?
Somewhere along my parenting journey, I realized I didn’t want to raise Christian kids. Christian kids go to church, are nice, quiet, blend into the church scene and don’t cause trouble. I didn’t want to raise Christian kids. I wanted to raise passionate followers of the Lord Jesus Christ.
I didn’t care what they did for a living, or how much money they made doing it, as long as they did it to honor the Lord. I never pushed them toward ministry or missions. Minister, missionary, truck driver or day laborer – it didn’t matter to me, as long as the priority of their life was living with an eternal purpose and perspective.
They all did graduate college. They all seem to be making a good living. They all married amazing spouses. But I would have considered all that a waste, a total failure, if that was how they measured success or prioritized their lives. They know that living a God-honoring life, focused on the day that we all stand before Him to give account, is the only true measure of success.
If it is not already, let me suggest – implore you, beg you – lift your vision for your kids higher. It’s not enough that they get a good education, get good jobs or even get married before getting pregnant. Living life for eternity is the only goal worthy of living and dying for. Make it your goal and you will find your kids make it their goal as well.
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