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Rick Malm

7 Tips for Surviving the Terrible Threes

A guest blog by Ron Edmondson

I’ve never met him but I’ve liked Ron Edmondson for a number of years. His blogs on leadership and the church often encouraged me while I was pastoring. Well, he is just as insightful and also blogs about “the family”. He gave me permission to share one of his recent posts with you. So, here’s Ron:

 

Talking to younger parents often reminds me of a parenting phenomenon that we experienced firsthand. Perhaps, if you’re children are older, you did also. It’s called the “terrible threes”.

Ever have a three year old try your patience?

As with so many others (most it seems), it’s not the “terrible twos” that is a problem — it’s the “terrible threes”.

It goes something like this: One day your precious angel — the one everyone thinks is so cute — who was hardly ever a problem before — suddenly becomes a living terror at times. You don’t know what to do — how to respond — and how to stop it.. You have never dealt with such temper tantrums, back-talking, and outbursts of anger.

If that’s your story — you may have entered the “terrible threes”.

Children cycle through many phases and it shouldn’t be too surprising if they go through a rebellious stage early in life. The terrible threes, or twos, as the case may be, most likely is the time when the child most openly expresses his or her independence.

And, the more independent the child — the more difficult this time can be. And, the longer it might last.

He or she is exploring a new world, testing boundaries, discovering their own personality, and filtering through reactions of others. As with other phases the child will experience, this one is difficult for the child as well as the parent, but in this phase the child is the least mature in the relationship and their reaction, by the way, should be likewise.

Here are 7 suggestions for surviving the terrible threes: Continue Reading

June 15, 2015 by

Amazing wisdom from a Mayan Dad

Standing on Calle Santander, the main street of Panajachel Guatemala, I found myself in a conversation that seemed too weird to really be happening. I was talking with an indigenous Kaqchikel man. His long flowing coal black hair and distinctive Mayan features were striking against the brightly colored clothing that was part of his traditional Mayan dress imposed upon his people by the Spanish conquistadors. We were discussing his background which led to a discussion about his three daughters – two of whom I had just met.

All three were impressive young Mayan women. The youngest was finishing high school, one was in college and the oldest was finishing her law degree – astounding accomplishments for indigenous kids – but especially girls – in rural Guatemala. The two girls there that night were also dressed in the typical clothing of their Mayan people and were obviously well mannered and cultured young women. I asked how he had managed to raise such wonderful and confident young women despite their background of poverty where women are usually treated as property to be used, abused and tossed aside. His answer caused me to shake my head in disbelief. Continue Reading

June 11, 2015 by

Do parents have the right to look at their teen’s texts?

“We don’t look at our son’s text messages or Facebook account. We think he needs some privacy.”
Obviously these parents felt this was a sign of good parenting.

I agree a teen needs some privacy. But I wonder if what they see as giving privacy is actually abandoning their son to walk alone in a minefield of incredible temptation.

An online world of endless perversion is stalking each of us on our phone or computer screen. You don’t have to look for it. Like a hungry beast it’s hunting you. (1 Peter 5:8)

Do you think a teen-ager can stand up against such a constant onslaught all by themselves? I know I wouldn’t have been able to and statistics say I am not alone. Continue Reading

June 8, 2015 by

An Amazing Truth About Family Meals

I couldn’t believe it. The reporter said 20% of all meals in the United States are eaten in the car. Wow! I may have to stop texting and reading while I drive just so I can watch out for all the crazies who are downing a burger and fries while driving.

Jana was pretty mellow on most things but one thing she was an absolute momma bear about was everyone being present for dinner. I didn’t understand why it was such a big deal but because it meant so much to her I went along. I’m so glad I did because years later I realized how wise my wonderful wife was.

It’s true that sharing a snack got Adam and Eve in trouble but sharing a meal may be just what your kids need to stay out of trouble. Over the years study after study consistently confirms Jana’s wisdom.

Recently a Columbia University study once again validated the importance of family meals. They discovered that kids who have fewer than three family dinners a week with their parents are 2-4 times more likely to use alcohol, tobacco, marijuana and other drugs compared to kids who share 5-7 family dinners a week.

Here are four tips to make family meals meaningful. But first …. Continue Reading

June 4, 2015 by

3 Tips for Setting Reasonable Boundaries

The other day my oldest son said, “I can’t believe you let me drive across Guatemala City by myself when I was 17 years old.”
Looking back on it, he’s right. I can’t believe I allowed that either. What was I thinking!?

There were risks involved in many things we let our children do but they were calculated risks – based upon their history of responsibility or irresponsibility.
And I’m convinced it’s the freedom we gave them, once they earned it, that made all three of them the courageous Christians they are today.

We had boundaries for them but we tried to make them boundaries based on God’s Word – not fear, convenience or adult peer pressure.
Here are three tips for setting boundaries for our kids. Continue Reading

June 1, 2015 by

Why kids push and push until we get angry.

We were driving through southern Mexico with three very hyper kids in the back seat of an old GMC Suburban. We had a lot of miles to drive before we would reach a safe town to spend the night. The kids – one in particular – had been pushing my buttons all day but I didn’t want to stop and risk not making it to a town before dark. Driving after dark in that part of Mexico could be very dangerous. I knew if I would pull over and attack the backseat chaos I could get at least an hour of quiet but I was afraid that what I was dreaming of doing could also get me 50 years in a Mexican jail.

Do your kids ever push and push until you finally “have all you can stands and you can’t stands no more”? Why is it they sometimes keep pushing until we finally get angry and do something? Are they just trying to upset us? Continue Reading

May 25, 2015 by

Success in school is not all it’s cracked up to be.

I’m an educator. I believe in it. I have a Master’s Degree in Education and just lack my dissertation to have an earned PhD. My wife and kids all have college degrees. I was principal of 3 Christian schools, consulted with 2 others, was a School Board President, Interim Director of an overseas school and have experience teaching in public schools. I even believe the Bible teaches the importance of education. But despite all that I have to say, success in school is not all it’s cracked up to be.

I say this because I’ve seen some parents so focused on good grades that they shred their child’s spirit when the child doesn’t meet performance expectations. Additionally, I have seen parents so concerned about their kids earning their degree from the “right” college that they stand by and idly watch – sometimes even continuing to fund – while the child’s spiritual life goes down the toilet. Continue Reading

May 21, 2015 by

If you’re a worn out parent, this is for you.

If you are like I was, and I’m betting you are, when your kids misbehave you’re tempted to look away, ignore it, pretend you didn’t see it. When they misbehave in public have you ever acted like you didn’t even know who they belonged to?

Sometimes it seems impossible to muster the strength to deal with it one more time.

But Proverbs makes a promise for worn out parents who do rise to the occasion and muster the energy to discipline “one more time”. If we dig deep and find the energy to rebuke when we want to ignore, here is what we are promised.

Whoever rebukes a person will in the end gain favor rather than one who has a flattering tongue. Proverbs 28:23

Notice we are not promised we will “gain favor” today or tomorrow. It may be years or decades but at some point in time, “in the end”, our children will come to appreciate the effort we put into caring more about their character than about our comfort. Continue Reading

May 18, 2015 by

How one man lost everything of true value.

I switched on the car radio just in time to hear a father telling the DJ how much he loved his kids. You could hear the tears in his voice. Sweet.

But the more he talked the more I could tell this was not a tender Hallmark moment. Rather, it was a lousy dad trying to make up for his failures by talking to a total stranger on national radio.

His children were now adults and had all deserted him. Their mother, his wife, had also left him. It was evident he had driven them away. No one wanted anything to do with him. He was alone in life and now was publicly – but anonymously – expressing his deep love for them.

What started as a sweet moment quickly turned sour.

He mournfully whined, “I just hope they know how much I love them.” The DJ awkwardly tried to encourage him but I wanted to grab this guy by the collar and tell him man to man: Continue Reading

May 14, 2015 by