All Posts By

Rick Malm

One mistake doesn’t = failure.

I had my two sharpened pencils ready to go but that was all that was sharp and ready as I prepared to take the test that would determine my future – the SAT college entrance exam. The Math section loomed like a specter of death.

It had been seven years since my last math class, Algebra I, where I squeaked by with a “grace” D. I was getting out of the Navy and had a job offer if I could get into college. Nobody told me there were SAT prep courses so I was going at this cold.

After looking over the Math questions I knew I was doomed. I didn’t have the foggiest idea how to even make an intelligent guess. But a salty old Navy Chief had taught me a secret. The Navy used multiple choice tests like the SAT and his advice was, “Boy, if you have absolutely no idea what the answer is, put C.”

That’s what I did for every single answer except I sprinkled in a few Bs. After all, I didn’t want to score 100 and have anyone think I was cheating. Continue Reading

May 11, 2015 by

Love Begins with Respect

From my son, Joel . . . . . . . . . .

It happened in the kitchen. I’ll never forget the look on dad’s face. It was utter fury.
I was being rude to my mom. Really rude.

Dad stormed into the kitchen and sent me to my room, preparing me for the eminent spanking. I’ll never forget what he said.

“You do not talk to your mother that way. She is your mother. But most importantly, she is my wife and I will not tolerate anyone speaking to my wife that way.”

From then on I knew dad had mom’s back. If I was rude to mom I was going to hear about it because I was disrespecting the woman my dad loved.

I found safety in this. I knew dad and mom were on a team. I couldn’t divide and conquer. They were a united front.

From Rick . . . . . . . . . . Continue Reading

May 7, 2015 by

When you can’t understand your kids.

Somewhere around Middle School a bizarre creature took over my daughter’s brain making it impossible to understand her – at least impossible for me. I would give her a clear instruction and she would totally ignore it and often do just the opposite.

Several times when I was about to “lower the boom” my wife gently pulled me aside and said, “I don’t think she understood you.”

 “How could she not understand!? It was plain English?”

“No, Rick, I think she didn’t understand. Let me talk with her.” Jana would talk to her and she would happily comply. During this phase in life she was so baffling that I finally told Jana, “I don’t understand her at all. I’ve got to pull back and let you take the lead here. Let me know what I need to do.” Continue Reading

May 4, 2015 by

What to do when you’ve lost control

He was a first year teacher and was going to be in charge of our Middle School. Even though we had good kids at the school where I was Principal, Middle Schoolers have been known to reduce a grown man to tears of frustration. I knew I needed to prepare him with some basic rules for surviving tweenagers.

The first six weeks went great. But into the eighth week he came to my office. “I don’t know what happened. I’ve lost control. The kids don’t respond to me like they used to.”

Before I tell you what happened, let me share where I got the bit of wisdom that enabled him to regain control of his classrooms. Continue Reading

April 30, 2015 by

Training children to disobey

When I found my seat on the plane a two year old was standing on the seat in front of me looking back. We were becoming buddies when the flight attendant passed by and spoke to his mother, the only person traveling with him. “We are preparing to taxi. Ma’am, you need to buckle him in.”

Mom tried to get him seated but he had other plans. Mom begged, pleaded, threatened. But he was not impressed. Minutes passed.

The flight attendant returned and let her know the plane was ready but couldn’t leave until the child was buckled in. I tried to look away and mind my own business as mom helplessly pleaded with her rebel. Then I did something really stupid.

“Ma’am, would you like me to get him to sit down?”

Did I just say that?! What was I doing?! Continue Reading

April 27, 2015 by

Why don’t kids “get it” the first time?

A frustrated mom was talking to me about her daughter, “She is just so strong willed. I don’t know what to do with her.”

I hadn’t really seen that in the girl so I asked her why she thought her daughter was strong-willed.

“I have to tell her something over and over again. She just doesn’t seem to get it. What else could it be?”

“Well”, I responded, “some of it could be because she is only 3 years old.”

Three years old or thirteen years old, sometimes our kids just don’t seem to “get it” the first time or the fifteenth time we tell them something. Continue Reading

April 23, 2015 by

Dealing With Excuses – 2

In “Dealing with Excuses 1” we saw how easy it is for us to encourage excuses. When we ask “Why did you do that?” we encourage our children to create an excuse.  So step one to dealing with excuses is to train ourselves to stop asking for excuses.

  1. Don’t encourage excuses.

But even if we don’t encourage them, our children will make excuses so it is important that we recognize when they are making an excuse.

  1. Recognize when they are making an excuse.

Continue Reading

April 20, 2015 by

Dealing With Excuses – 1

While serving as principal of a Christian school two little boys were hauled into my office for fighting.
I put on my “stern, disappointed Principal” face and asked what happened.
“He hit me!”
I could see the anger on the other boy’s face. So I asked, “Did you hit him?”
“Yes. But it all started when he hit me back!”

Even as adults we are prone to make excuses for our actions rather than take responsibility for them.  A crucial lesson to teach our children is that we are accountable for our behavior.

Even if no one saw us, some One saw us and we will give account for our words and deeds.

But how can we effectively deal with excuses?

Continue Reading

March 31, 2015 by

What does a godly child look like?

You may want to stop reading this blog when you discover:

  • my kids fought – one actually pulled a knife on another one time.
  • I got called to the school to discipline them.
  • I accidentally abandoned a 6 year old on a dangerous street in Central America.
  • much of the time Jana and I were at a loss for what to do – other than pray a lot.
  • we made lots of mistakes, some of which still hurt to think about.
  • we were definitely “no perfect parents”.

But, hallelujah! Our kids survived and are all thriving.
All 3 love God and love His people.
All 3 actively serve in the local church.
All 3 married spouses as passionate about the Lord as them.

How in the world did that happen?

If we’re to raise godly children we need a picture of what we’re shooting for.
What does a godly child look like? Continue Reading

March 29, 2015 by

Why are kids dependent for so long?

My 35 year old daughter – who is married and has two children – recently moved back in with us.

I find it interesting that children stay connected to their parents longer than any other creatures on earth. Within a few hours, days or weeks most baby animals have learned to hunt or hide, how to eat and not get eaten and off they go. Sometimes being chased off by their parents.

Human babies take years before they can provide for themselves. Why is that?

Certainly it’s by God’s design and the reason is an important one for every parent to understand. Continue Reading

March 28, 2015 by