All Posts By

Rick Malm

Is that a bribe or a reward? A simple way to tell the difference.

When I was pioneering a church my wife and I were both occupied during the worship service. I was the worship leader and she was the worship team. We did have others who sang and played too but our participation was essential. However, we also had three small kids. How could we motivate them to not only pay attention but also participate in the service? I also wanted to train them to listen to the message.

I decided I would offer to pay them for taking notes during the service if they also participated – at least moved their mouths like they were singing – during the worship. I expected some Scripture references from the oldest and the youngest could draw pictures that represented what I was talking about.

Often I had no idea how they came to the conclusions they came to based upon what I said but if their notes indicated they had at least tried to follow me I paid them, I think, a dollar. Was I bribing my kids to be good or giving them a reward for obedience? Continue Reading

March 24, 2016 by

Is it OK to reward our kids for doing what they should do anyway?

I was talking with a couple about training their young child when they asked this:

“Sometimes we like to give her a reward for obeying. But a book we read said we shouldn’t do that. It said kids should be expected to obey and should only be rewarded if they do something extra special – beyond what is expected. What do you think?”

Is it ok to reward our children for doing right or does that teach them to only do right when there is a reward (bribe) promised ahead of time?

Obviously there’s no direct Biblical command or instruction.
So whenever I was faced with a parenting question that wasn’t directly addressed in Scripture I would ask these two questions that would give me the answer. Continue Reading

March 21, 2016 by

Beware! These are the most frightening parents ever.

Once upon a time there was a couple with three children.

Before this couple had children one of their favorite things to do was go out to dinner. Once the children came along, for some odd reason, dinner out wasn’t quite as peaceful and pleasant as it was B.C. (before children).

But soon they found a rather unique solution. They would leave the children with a sitter, go out to eat and if there were any leftovers they would bring those home for the children to divide up and share. Sadly, there often weren’t any leftovers so the children frequently were starving. Continue Reading

March 17, 2016 by

16 Ways to Provoke Your Children to Anger

A Guest Blog by Mark Altrogge

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4

I was thinking about this today as I prepared for a parenting class. Here are some ways that we parents can provoke our children to anger. I’ve done many of these, and for this reason I’m grateful for the blood of Jesus and the power of the Spirit to change.

We can provoke our children to anger:

  1. By constantly criticizing them and not encouraging them. When they feel they can never please us enough.
  1. By having double standards: Do as I say, not as I do. Expecting them to do things we don’t do, e.g., ask forgiveness, humble themselves, etc.
  1. By anger and harshness.
  1. By a lack of affection.
  1. By telling them what to do or not do without giving Biblical reasons (e.g., Do it because I said to do it, or because it’s just wrong).

Continue Reading

March 14, 2016 by

How to make sure your child wins big by losing every time.

We were visiting friends when an amazing thing happened. Their 18 month old asked, “Mom and Dad, I know you slap my hand when I touch that fragile vase on the bookcase but I’m wondering if I’m allowed to touch it now? Will you do something while your friends are here?”

Pretty astounding that an 18 month old had such verbal fluency, right?

Actually, she didn’t ask the question by talking. She just walked over to the vase, looked back at dad and mom and then reached out to touch it.

So what do you do now dad and mom? Your 18 month old just asked you a question.

A lot of disobedience is kids just trying to find their boundaries. Not the boundaries you talk about but the real ones.  Continue Reading

March 10, 2016 by

One powerful question that could revolutionize your life.

It pierced my heart when I heard this mom grilling her son, “What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you be like your brother?”

Ouch! I can only image what it did to this boy’s heart. It appeared to not even phase him as he stared silently at his shoes and waited for this latest barrage to pass. He’d obviously already closed his heart to protect himself from his mom’s insensitivity. Can you blame him?

Can you imagine what a basket case we would be if the most important person in our life regularly berated us like that?

“What’s wrong with you wife? Why can’t you cook like my mother?”
“What’s wrong with you husband? My father never forgot to take out the garbage.” Continue Reading

March 7, 2016 by

Take this Kid Quiz. How well do you know your kids?

I was at a total loss for what to do. My daughter, Charis, had never been obstinate or rebellious – oh, there was that one time.

But suddenly it was like Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Some alien had taken over my daughter and she seemed to ignore anything I asked her to do.

I tried what had always worked before. Nothing.
I even tried my infamous “that face”. No change.

She was probably a little old for spanking,** but I thought I might have to go back to that as the only way to get her attention.

But, fortunately, my wise wife stepped in. “Rick, I don’t think she understands what you want her to do. Let me talk to her.”

Jana did and Charis immediately trotted off happily complying with my request.

What happened here? Continue Reading

March 3, 2016 by

Raising secure kids in a terrorized world

I wish I had said this. I love what this lady has to say here so I’m going to share it with you.
Rick
________________________________

By Ann marie Houghtailing

The day of the Paris attacks, I got several texts from friends asking about my older son. He was safe in London where he’s spending his first semester of college. On Facebook, I saw parents asking what the university was doing to protect our children. One parent pointed out London was on “high alert”– a post 9/11 phrase that has seeped into our lives reminding us that we are vulnerable, in case we forget.

But the truth is, in order to raise compassionate, emotionally, intellectually and culturally curious human beings, we have to surrender our illusion that we can protect our children from random acts of violence. Continue Reading

February 29, 2016 by

3 Things You Did Wrong If You Trained a Child The Way He Should Go And He Didn’t.

Jerry sat motionless with his face in his hands. Sylvia had tears in her eyes. “Where did we go wrong? I honestly don’t know what we could have done differently.”

They were loving, caring parents. They were involved in their kids’ lives. They were involved in church but somewhere along the line their oldest son wandered off. Now they were struggling to discover what they did wrong.

“Obviously we did something wrong because our child is running from God.”

Here are three things Jerry and Sylvia got wrong. Continue Reading

February 25, 2016 by

I had to babysit to be reminded of these 3 surprising things.

You’ve heard it a million times – They grow up so fast. If you’re like me, you thought, “No they don’t! Sometimes I wonder if they’ll ever grow up!”

Raising kids is so … daily. I felt like we’d always be surrounded by munchkins with needs, the fussing from the back seat of the car would never end and we would never again enjoy a quiet dinner. I couldn’t imagine it would change. But it did.

A few weeks ago Jana and I had a wow! flashback experience. We spent several days babysitting our granddaughters – ages 6 years and 19 months. That experience reminded me of the whirlwind parents face every day. But it also reminded me of some surprising and important things. Continue Reading

February 22, 2016 by