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Rick Malm

Do this in December and you’ll have a better new year.

Someone was bragging about an awesome deal on a new car because they got “good financing”. Instead of minding my own business I told him “good financing” is an oxymoron. How can anything that makes us a slave to the lender be “good”?

The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is slave to the lender.     – Proverbs 22:7

At this time of year when it’s so easy to go into debt to demonstrate our love, or more likely, just to fulfill what we feel is an obligations to give a gift, it’s a good time to meditate on the warning of Proverbs 22:7. Continue Reading

December 7, 2015 by

Is there an easy way to motivate children to behave better?

All of us want our children to be obedient and self-controlled. We want them to grow up doing the right thing and making wise choices.

And there’s something in a child that also wants that. Thank God that He programmed in our children a desire to please their parents, to win our approval.

But in addition to bearing that godlike nature, unfortunately they also bear the nature of fallen sons and daughters of Adam. Like you and me they struggle with a dual nature. As parents it’s important to keep both these natures in mind and in balance.

If we focus too much on their angelic nature we may blame others and make excuses for their bad behavior – the teacher is too strict, those neighbor kids are a bad influence, he got that from your side of the family, boys will be boys. Continue Reading

December 3, 2015 by

How to have a more peaceful holiday season.

Early in our marriage we argued a lot. It was likely mostly my fault but we often had a hard time getting along.

So why did we get married in the first place? We were 20 years old. Need I say more? I’m not sure most 20 year olds should be driving let alone getting married – but we did.

Then we got an opportunity to take a dream vacation. We were invited to go to California and take our two kids to Disneyland.

Seeing the impending storm that being together in a car for several days would likely stir up and realizing this trip was still costing us a fortune we made a plan. Whatever happened, we agreed we’d stay cool, not get upset and force ourselves to have fun. Continue Reading

November 30, 2015 by

Why I Stopped Reading Bible Story Books to My Children

Jana and I recently had the sweet opportunity to visit friends of ours in Romania – Drew and Heidi Carlson – and we found their kids were desperately in need of a grandpa to read them a story. I gladly obliged.

Here are some thoughts Heidi shared with me about Bible Story books.

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by Heidi Carlson
I was so excited when my children became old enough to understand and engage when I read to them from Bible storybooks.  The readings led to excellent discussion and the opportunity to discuss truth.  Modeling a personal devotion time, I tried to read a chapter from the Bible storybook every day.  After a year or so, however, we’d read the same stories over and over and needed something new, refreshing.  So, as many of you can probably relate, I asked other parents what resources they used with their children.

I bought more books, but we quickly exhausted those as well.  My kids needed something meatier, something deeper, now that they were approaching kindergarten age.  Then the obvious hit me.  They needed the Bible.   Continue Reading

November 25, 2015 by

Is it your fault if your child is lost?

The following is an edited transcription of A Podcast by Drs. Heath Lambert and Jim Newheiser from Monday, October 19, 2015. 

Lambert: I am joined this week by Dr. Jim Newheiser who is the Executive Director of the Institute for Biblical Counseling and Discipleship and a Fellow at the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors. One of the most difficult problems that a parent can face is with a grown child who has left the faith. They have walked away from the faith that they may have professed as a child or maybe they never professed faith and that has sort of solidified itself in adulthood. Parents can feel guilty, they can feel ashamed and one of the questions that they face is, “is it my fault that my child is not a believer?”

Newheiser: The question you raised Heath is one that families have faced since the beginning with the very first family of history, Adam and Eve, with their first two sons Cain and Abel. One served and honored the Lord and the other one who grew up in the exact same family, with the same influences, having no internet, smart phones, MTV, or bad influences, rebelled against his parents because of the sin in his heart. Even when the Lord himself admonishes Cain, Cain will not listen and chose to rebel. Continue Reading

November 23, 2015 by

How to tell if it’s a big deal or not.

I was the new pastor at a church and our son was returning from camp with the youth group. As they excitedly exited the bus one of the last kids off was an odd boy with bright blue hair. Wait! That’s my kid!

The only kid to come home with psycho-hair and it was the pastor’s kid.

It was obvious he was a little nervous as to what my response would be. And, what would the folks in the congregation think of their new pastor and family? The kids from the other church who offered to dye his hair assured him it would easily wash out. They probably lied about other things, too.

You’ve heard it before – Keep the first things first. Major on the majors. But sometimes it’s hard to tell what’s major and what’s minor. Is screwy hair major? What about a son who wants pierced ears? Violating curfew? Hanging out with kids obviously headed for trouble? Little ones refusing to eat their carrots? Dropping to the floor in a tantrum when unhappy? Repeatedly “forgetting” homework or chores? Consistent lateness? Messiness?

What’s a big deal and what’s no big deal?
Early on I realized, at least for me, I could divide major and minor by asking two questions. Continue Reading

November 18, 2015 by

Are you guilty of the same mistakes I made?

I was leading a discussion in a parenting class when a father proudly said he had figured out how to get his teen-age daughter to always be home before her curfew.

“I don’t mind if she’s out till 11 on Fridays but she always came home 15 – 30 minutes late. So I told her she had to be home by 10:30. Now she comes in at 10:45 and I act mad but really she’s home early.”

He then concluded with this observation. “Yeah”, you gotta learn to outsmart these kids or they’ll manipulate you every time.”

Hmmmm …. I wonder where these kids learn to manipulate like that?

Tricking our kids into obedience is not obedience at all. This was a great example of how to not train your children but one most of us are probably guilty of now and then.

Here are three things I know I was guilty of – especially when I was tired or lazy – but they’re habits I tried to eliminate because I knew they were sending the wrong message. Continue Reading

November 16, 2015 by

A teaching opportunity about honor and courage.

A few years ago Jana and I were walking through Heathrow airport in London rushing – as usual – to catch a plane back home. We were pretty worn out and weren’t aware of it being November 11 – Veteran’s Day in the US. But at 10:59 an announcement rang through the entire airport.

With typical British formality and accent it informed us that in one minute, at exactly 11 o’clock, everyone was requested to stop whatever they were doing and give one minute of silence in honor of all veterans – including Americans and others who fought for England.

It was amazing. At 11 oclock the bustling airport froze. No one and nothing moved for one minute. Sixty seconds later the announcer said “thank you” and the volume and activity immediately returned to the original frenzy.

I’d like to suggest you teach your kids the meaning of Veteran’s Day. Scripture says give honor to whom honor is due and veterans have certainly earned the thanks and honor of the nation they served and defended. Continue Reading

November 10, 2015 by

After a spanking my daughter shocked me when she did this.

I couldn’t believe it. Usually my four year old daughter, Charis, was compliant and obedient. But here she was refusing to apologize for something mean she did to an adult friend of ours. “Charis, if you don’t apologize I’m going to have to spank you.”

That usually worked, especially for something as simple as asking for an “I’m sorry”.
But not this time. She silently stood her ground.

I had promised her a spanking and as much as I hated to have to keep my word I knew it was important I do so. I gave her a few gentle swats of the bottom.

She gave a few obligatory whimpers – since these were far too gentle to really hurt.
But she continued to stand her ground – absolutely refusing to apologize.

“Charis, if you don’t apologize, I’m going to have to spank you again. And this time it’s going to be real hard. I don’t want to do that and you don’t want that so you need to go and apologize for being mean.”

She remained unmoved. Continue Reading

November 9, 2015 by

My child’s too young to date … but he is. Now what!?

From my son, Jonathan
It was my first girlfriend. I was 14 years old and in the 9th grade. My parents had never talked with me about when I could start dating so I wasn’t sure what their take would be on this blooming relationship.

When dad found out he didn’t lay down the law or tell me what I had to do. Rather, he first told me how much they liked this girl and her family but then he asked me some questions.

“So what do you think the purpose of dating is?”
“Do you think you are ready for the responsibilities that dating leads to?”

He then pointed out his concerns about dating at my age.
“Your mom and I really like her. She’s sweet and comes from a great family. But our concern is that by dating her, you’re going to limit who you both will meet and other relationships that might come your way.

You’re at an age where you’re changing and just discovering who you are and what you like. Now is a time to learn to relate to lots of different kinds of people. A problem with dating is that we have to limit ourselves to focusing on one person and might miss meeting some of our future best friends.”

He then left the decision to me. Continue Reading

November 4, 2015 by