A band of soldiers were camped on a hilltop when the lookout saw two guys off in the distance. The Captain ordered a private to grab some binoculars and find out if those guys were friends or foes. After checking them out the private reported, “Sir, I’m pretty sure they’re friends … because they’re walking real close together.”
The Bible says kid’s brains don’t process information like our brains – when I was a child I reasoned like a child. (1 Corinthians 13:11) It’s important we communicate our rules, desires and expectations clearly and age-appropriately if we expect our kids to be able to obey.
Here are four ways I’ve seen to help make sure our communication is clear.
- No sarcasm
It might be cute to ask, “Were you born in a barn?” but kids don’t process sarcasm well – and it really isn’t a godly character trait that we want them to develop. Besides, they weren’t responsible for where they were born. Only you know what you were doing in a barn if that’s where they were born. 🙂
- Ask them to repeat back, in their own words, what you said.
This is also a great way to make sure you and your spouse are on the same page – or even in the same book.
- Be specific
“Stop eating like a pig” doesn’t clarify what you want.
“Use your fork instead of eating with your fingers. Take smaller bites and stop grunting as you eat” is specific.
This goes for when we compliment them too. “You were such a good boy today” may put a smile on their face but they may not understand just what they did right. “I was so proud of the way you waited patiently and didn’t interrupt while I talked with my friend.”
Remember, behavior that is complimented is behavior that will be repeated.
- Show and tell
My Father-in-law was great at this. I can still remember him teaching my oldest son how to greet someone. “Look the man right in the eye, stick your hand out, give him a firm handshake and tell him your name in a loud, clear voice.”
After that, it became a game with them. Every time Pawpaw saw Joel he expected him to look him in the eye, give him a firm handshake, and greet him in a loud, clear voice – followed by a hug. If he didn’t there was loving but clear correction. “Now boy, that handshake was pretty weak. Let’s do it again” “Stop looking at the ground. Look the man in the eye.”
Children – especially young ones – have an innate desire to please their parents. Wise parents capitalize on that (before that desire evaporates in adolescence.) The only way they can please us is if we clearly communicate what we expect.
If the trumpet makes an unclear sound, (how are our kids going to have any idea what we want them to do?)
1 Corinthians 14:8 (with some modifications)
1 Comment
This article is full of great advice and good humor.!