An elementary school didn’t have a fence around its playground and the staff noticed that when the children went out for recess they tended to play close to the building. The playground equipment in the middle of the yard went unused.
As soon as the school put up a fence the children fanned out and used the entire playground. Researchers determined that instead of restricting them, the established boundaries actually freed the children to be more adventurous.
They felt safe because they knew where the boundaries were both for them and for others. The fence didn’t just keep them in; it also kept dangers out.
Instead of restricting children, rules actually provide a greater sense of liberty and security for them. TWEET THAT
This story helped me see why it’s so important we’re consistent in enforcing rules.
Imagine the new fence was invisible and electric. The principal warns, “Don’t go past this point or an invisible fence will shock you.”
Almost immediately a few of the bolder kids will head straight to the fence to see what happens. If they immediately get a mild shock for the smallest violation, all is fine. Everyone knows there really is a fence and they avoid it.
But what if nothing happens? They’ll push further trying to find out if there really is a fence. If nothing happens it won’t be long until even the timid kids will be ignoring the principal’s imaginary fence.
That’s what happens when we set rules for our kids.
They may obey for a while but curiosity often leads to testing to see if we really meant what we said. Crossing the fence will mean different things at different ages. “I’ll touch the TV. I’ll eat 5 cookies instead of 3. I’ll come home at 11:15 instead of 11:00.” But inevitably most kids will push just a little past the boundary to see if there really is a fence. If nothing happens they push more and more, past the boundary.
Then, when they’re way out of line we typically explode and pull the fence back up to the building. Why do we do this to ourselves?
Why not just set reasonable rules, then the first time they stick their little finger across the line we shock them (metaphorically, of course). Impose the reasonable consequence we promised.
That’s why it’s so important we enforce boundaries we set upon our kids. If you aren’t willing to enforce a rule then please don’t make it in the first place.
That’s also why it’s important we carefully think through any consequences we threaten them with. If you aren’t willing to live with the consequences then don’t threaten to ground them for the “rest of their life”.
Make sure the fence is clearly marked and that your kids understand what will happen if they go even slightly past the fence. Then make sure you enforce the fence line and do just exactly what you promised to do if they cross it – even just a little bit.
Let your “Yes” mean yes and your “No” mean no! Otherwise, you may fall under condemnation.
James 5:12
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