Here comes a big, I mean atomic size, KaBoom!
I recently decided to reactivate this NoPerfectParents blog and thought the best way to do it would be with a BANG! by re-posting my most commented on post (since I have a lot of new haters … err, I mean followers … since it first posted.)
This post has resulted in me being called “a monster,” “a narcissistic fork-tongued charlatan,” (Wow. That’s a mouth-full) and a few adjectives I can’t repeat (some I’m not even sure what they mean but I’m pretty sure they weren’t complimentary.)
I’ll bet you can guess the topic. It’s a story I tell about spanking my daughter and a stunning thing she did after the spanking. I’ll post a link at the end of this post but – WARNING – Don’t read the comments until you make sure the kiddos are out of the room.
First, let me just say that if there is anything harder than understanding quantum physics, it’s getting a Biblical understanding of spanking. The very word conjures up images of anger, violence, the most evil man on the internet taking out his frustration on a helpless child, etc.
But Biblical spanking is nothing like that. Instead, it is:
- Something that you will likely not have to do very often.
- a self-sacrificing act of love and self-control.
- one of many things loving parents do that children don’t like but that is good for them (ie. making them eat veggies, go to bed at night, get up in the morning, brush their teeth, go to school, share with others, be kind to their brother, on and on.)
- Inflicts controlled pain on a child to prevent them from suffering much greater pain in a world that punishes one who has not learned self-control.
- a way parents reflect the love of God who also “spanks” us.
If that isn’t how you picture spanking, let me send you a free gift – a short, easy-to-read-even-for-a-time-starved-mom-or-dad book entitled Five Times You Should NOT Spank Your Child. I think it will help you.
CLICK HERE TO GET IT then come back and read the story about the most evil man on the internet – me.
THE STORY: After a spanking, my daughter shocked me when she did this.
2 Comments
Well, you ARE advocating child abuse on the internet. There most certainly is an inherent degree of evilness to that. What’s worse, you are doing it in a delusional “oh, but you don’t understand, it’s done in a loving, caring, non – abusive, God sanctioned” kind of way. There is also at play here a shameless masquerade, a sort of perversion of words and their meaning.
Here, let me quote you:
“Spanking, is something we do for our children not to our children. It’s an act of sacrificial love – I force myself to do what is best for my child even though I don’t want to do it.
Spanking is God’s answer to keeping our children from being enslaved to the foolishness that is bound up in their hearts.
Rebellion is no trivial matter – even in the heart of a four year old. I had no choice but to follow the principles and leave the outcome to the Lord. But first, one last appeal.”
You’ve said this words in earnest, without the slightest intimation of the outrageous moral inversion they contain.
You’ve beaten a small child (quite harshly, as you yourself admit) an account of an abstract principle, anti – human in nature and, in any case, beyond the understanding of a four year old.
And what’s even worse, you’ve managed to wiggle yourself out of a due sense of guilt by convincing yourself that your actions are the result of some sort of “sacrificial love”. This last bit is, quite frankly, the crowning achievement of your rationalization effort. YOU are doing all the beating, but you’re also being “sacrificed” on the altar of pious necessity, a righteous man going against the mighty impulse of his own generous heart, all for the sake of his golden child who is being led astray by the inescapable sinfulness of her own nature.
You know, this sort of thing merits some sort of praise. As far as mental acrobatics go, it’s not half bad.
In any case, the real heart heart of the matter is that you are (I hope) a well meaning, charming sort of fellow (after the american understanding of charm, at least) and what you are doing with your joyful preaching is stamping a smiley face on child abuse, and THAT is inexcusable.
Dear Julian:
Thanks for taking time to reply and doing so in such a thoughtful and civil way – not ranting like some have felt obligated to do.
I’ll try to keep this brief but also answer thoroughly.
For us to have a reasonable conversation we need to define our terms. You use the term “beating” interchangeably with “spanking.” Perhaps that is all you have ever seen or experienced but I can assure you that a “spanking” is not a “beating.” One is an act of anger, retribution or vengeance. The other is a controlled act that should never be carried out in anger or with the purpose of inflicting pain. Surprising eh, that the purpose of a spanking is NOT to inflict pain. But it’s true.
If we don’t first agree upon our terminology it would be like us discussing fruit and you referring to apples and me talking about bananas. We wouldn’t even be able to agree on what color they are. So, here’s what I’d like to suggest. I am going to give you a gift that will help you understand what I mean – it will clearly define what a “spanking” is. It is a short book and I’m confident that, since you were so careful to express your views that you will also be diligent enough to do the research and read this simple little book – that, again, I will give you totally free. So you have nothing to lose.
After reading it, you may still think spanking is not an appropriate form of discipline but at least we will then be able to talk intelligently about the same thing.
By the way, I would also be very interested in knowing where you are in your parenting journey. Do you have kids? How many? How old? If you are far enough in the journey to have a track record, how have they turned out? Not to be disrespectful but there is an old African proverb that says, “Never get clothing advice from a naked man.” The inference being that a naked man isn’t going to know much about clothing. Just like the old joke, “I was an expert on raising kids until … until I had kids.” Just curious as to where you are along the path.
Here’s the link to the free book. I hope you’ll read it thoughtfully and with an open mind. Assume the best my friend.
Book: Five Times You Should NOT Spank Your Children