All of us want our children to be obedient and self-controlled. We want them to grow up doing the right thing and making wise choices.
And there’s something in a child that also wants that. Thank God that He programmed in our children a desire to please their parents, to win our approval.
But in addition to bearing that godlike nature, unfortunately they also bear the nature of fallen sons and daughters of Adam. Like you and me they struggle with a dual nature. As parents it’s important to keep both these natures in mind and in balance.
If we focus too much on their angelic nature we may blame others and make excuses for their bad behavior – the teacher is too strict, those neighbor kids are a bad influence, he got that from your side of the family, boys will be boys.
Even if all those are factors in the misbehavior we want our children to learn to take personal responsibility for their actions. So we must avoid the blame game and help them see that they’re responsible for the decisions they make.
On the other hand, if we focus too much on their fallen nature we continually expect the worst and can even set in motion a sort of “self-fulfilling prophecy”. We tend to see what we look for – seek and ye shall find.
If you’re always looking for them to mess up you’ll find what you are seeking. They’ll mess up a lot. This can also lead to us over reacting to even minor misbehavior because we’re so aware of every failure.
Love believes the best. Love expects the best. But love is not blind to reality.
I found it healthy to expect my children to do right but realize some times they’ll do wrong. That way I’m not caught off guard when they misbehave but neither am I creating an environment of suspicion.
By expecting my children to do right I create a healthy atmosphere of trust. This also enhances their desire to do right, to not disappoint me. It also allows me to say “yes” to more opportunities since I expect my children will behave properly until they prove otherwise.
Keep in mind that your child is made in the image of God yet also bears the marks of humanity. Rejoice and thank God when they reflect the god-like aspect but don’t panic and fall apart when they behave like children of their parents.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made…. – Psalm 139:14
For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do–this I keep on doing.
– Romans 7:19
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