I get a lot of interesting questions about parenting. Recently someone wrote that they were concerned that they might not be spanking their children enough.
They went on to say that time outs and taking away a privilege or two seemed to solve the problem. “Am I doing something wrong because I’m not spanking my child?”
They were a little surprised by my answer.
No! If what you’re doing is working then keep it up as long as it works.
I talk a lot about spanking in this blog because it’s such a neglected tool in the parental toolbox. And it’s one of those tools that, when you need it, nothing else will do the job.
But, and this is what surprised my friend, I hardly ever spanked my kids. I can only remember about a dozen times total for all three of them. (Granted, their memory might be better than mine but the point is it was not a weekly or monthly or even annual event.) And it’s not because they were perfect kids.
Here’s the secret:
For most kids, once they know spanking is an option, you’ll hardly ever need to use it.
You will likely have to use it once so they believe it really is an option.
And every now and then some kids like to confirm that you still have it in your toolbox.
But when they know you have it and aren’t afraid to use it, most kids – yes, there are exceptions – but most kids will do what they can to help you keep it in the toolbox and not bring it out very often.
But spanking is not a tool you pull out for every infraction. In “Spare the Rod” I explain that I believe spanking should be reserved for cases of rebellion or if your child intentionally inflicts injury upon another child. I also talk about five times you should not spank your child and a ton of other valuable information on the topic. Of course I’m a bit biased but I suggest you get a printed copy to keep on hand or loan to a friend.
How often you spank your child and even if you spank them will depend upon the child. Some kids need to regularly know “The Force is with them” and some kids respond to more gentle methods. We need to adjust to the learning style of our child and do what’s necessary to help them learn to respect and obey us and other authorities in their life.
Actually, it’s wonderful if you never have to spank your child. If alternative methods work then thank the Lord. Just don’t totally take spanking out of your toolbox because the day may come when it’s the only tool that will get the job done.
Spanking is like the spare tire for your car. You hope you never have to use it. It’s wonderful if you never need it. But you don’t take it out of the car because if you do need it nothing else will quite do the job.
What do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a rod of discipline, or shall I come in love and with a gentle spirit?
1 Corinthians 4:21
Meme photo by Florian Richter
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