At what age is my child old enough to date?

I recently spoke at a church conference where the final session was a panel discussion. Participants could ask the speakers any question. Yikes!

One very interesting question came at us, “At what age is my child ready to date?”

Awkward pause – each panel member hoping someone else would jump in. After no one else did, I decided this line drive was for me so I snagged it. Here’s basically what I said.

It seems to me that any time we start a parenting question with “At what age …” we are asking the wrong question. For example, “At what age can I get rid of the diapers?” We know it’s not a matter of age; it’s a matter of maturity and control. When they can control their bowel movements you can put the diapers away.

It isn’t about age. It’s about maturity and self-control. Can you see where I’m going with this?  Continue Reading

November 2, 2015 by

When you feel like tossing in the towel, remember this.

I recently started a Gratitude Journal where each day I write three things for which I’m grateful. I find it helps (forces) me to focus on things that are right in my world rather than things I don’t like.

I know most busy parents don’t need another item on their daily to-do list so I’m not suggesting you start one – OK, maybe I am – but the real reason I tell you about this is something that occurred to me the other day while writing in it.

I was thanking the Lord for the amazing things happening in my kids’ lives. I was grateful for how all are passionately serving the Lord, active in their local church, have joyful marriages and are just doing really well in all areas – much better than I was at their ages.

Then I remembered back to my parenting days when I often wondered, “Is there any hope for this mess?” There was the bickering, the whining, the irresponsibility – and that’s just a list of things wrong with me. The kids had all those and more. But that’s when it dawned on me. Continue Reading

October 28, 2015 by

In the day to day battle don’t forget the magic.

Many of you know that Jana and I now have three granddaughters.
The two oldest, Adiya and Niah, whose parents are Mike and Charis Vogel.
And August 19 Elise Claire was born to Joel and Emily Malm.

Joel recently posted a blog about being a new parent. I thought you might not only enjoy the encouragement of his message but also might like to be reminded of the magic and mystery you first felt when you entered this marvelous world of parenting.

It’s easy to get so caught up in keeping up that we forget to take a few moments to marvel at this gift of God – our children. So flash back with me to those early days as Joel reminds us of what a special treasure it is to be a parent. Continue Reading

October 26, 2015 by

Why stamp collectors don’t make good parents.

When Jana and I married there was no extra cash for frivolous extras – like cookware.

So we got our first set using S&H Green Stamps. Based on how much money you spent some grocery stores and gas stations gave little green stamps that you’d save in books. When you filled enough books you’d cash them in for all kinds of cool stuff.

S & H Green Stamps were a real help to the family budget but I found as a parent there was another type of stamp that I had to be careful I didn’t collect. Because, whenever I cashed in these stamps all I ever got were big regrets. Here’s what I mean. Continue Reading

October 21, 2015 by

How to help children develop a taste for the things of God.

I was fascinated by a time lapse video of a field of sunflowers that danced in harmony tracking the sun across the sky. It was like thousands of bright yellow faces all moved in unison from east to west. Later, I discovered the video was faked because blooming sunflowers are not heliotropic. That’s a great word to know for your next party. Budding sunflowers are heliotropic – they track the sun across the sky – but mature ones don’t.

While some plants do naturally grow toward the sun humans don’t. We tend to be drawn to darkness. We’re fascinated by things we should avoid. Our natural bent is away from the light, the opposite direction of the way we should grow.

I was talking with a grandmother recently who was concerned when her daughter, a Christian, informed her that she felt her children should be allowed to experiment and make their own choice when it came to following the Lord. “I’m afraid if I try to force them to believe like me they’ll rebel and go another way.”

I was impressed when the grandmother told me her response. Continue Reading

October 19, 2015 by

2 simple steps to remain in control of yourself and your kids.

Be careful when you drive through Comfort, Texas.

If you are going too fast or miss the school zone sign you’ll be “comforted” with a speeding ticket. All the locals know about the deputy in the white car and his love for meeting new folks who drive too fast through his town.

Because of his reputation even when he’s not there people don’t speed through Comfort. Here are a couple of important lessons we parents can learn from this lawman. Continue Reading

October 14, 2015 by

Things you need to know about God and your prodigal child

If you have a son or daughter running from the Lord I can’t begin to imagine the heart pain you must regularly feel. But I have some good news, God does.

God totally understands because He too has prodigal children. He has sons and daughters He has poured His life into, who He has sacrificed for, who He has shown nothing but love toward and yet they turned on Him, rejected Him and ran.

Here are some other things you need to know about God and that prodigal child of yours. Continue Reading

October 12, 2015 by

If you want good fruit in your kid’s lives you need to know this.

With three young children we moved to the Hill Country of Texas to plant a church. The salary was sparse and it seemed like planting a garden would be a good way to stretch each dollar. I prepared a gorgeous bed for the tender seeds – cleared out the rocks and weeds, turned under and thoroughly prepared the soil, carefully planted each seed at just the right distance and depth.

To my amazement, though I had cleared out all the rocks, within a few weeks more appeared. Then unseen seeds began to produce demon weeds. The war was on. At the start it was a constant battle against weeds and rocks. It was always a lot of work but eventually my garden began to produce vegetables equal in size to the weeds and stones.

I discovered children are a lot like that garden. Continue Reading

October 7, 2015 by

If you are adopted you need to know this.

When I was in sixth grade my parents took me out of school for a day. Dad never missed work but he did that day because my brother and me were going to get our “names changed”. All I remember about the day was their excitement and that they bought Mike and me a new pair of shoes and an ice cream cone to celebrate.

About 12 years later I was in the Navy when a shipmate said he was going to finalize the adoption of his son. “Today we are going to court to get his name changed.” Lightbulbs went off in my head as I flashed back to getting my name changed. That was the first time it dawned on me – I WAS ADOPTED!

Two things are obvious: My (step)dad did an awesome job of treating me and my brother just like the four children he later had with my mother. And, secondly, it’s a pretty stunning testimony to how clueless I often am to things going on around me.

If you are adopted or have adopted children let me share a word of Biblical encouragement: Continue Reading

October 5, 2015 by

What is a successful parent?

I recently dropped a bombshell on my kids.

“You guys need to know that I won’t consider myself a successful parent until I see my grandchildren passionately loving the Lord.”

“Whoa, Dad!, they said, “Talk about pressure!”

Perhaps. But it’s a good pressure and beside, the pressure’s really on me.

As I see it, if the shadow of my faith is not cast farther than one generation then the light of my life didn’t burn brightly enough.

I realize when you are hanging on by your fingernails to just get your kids raised no one wants to think about grandchildren. But a long term perspective can be encouraging. Here’s why….. Continue Reading

September 30, 2015 by