It pierced my heart when I heard this mom grilling her son, “What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you be like your brother?”
Ouch! I can only image what it did to this boy’s heart. It appeared to not even phase him as he stared silently at his shoes and waited for this latest barrage to pass. He’d obviously already closed his heart to protect himself from his mom’s insensitivity. Can you blame him?
Can you imagine what a basket case we would be if the most important person in our life regularly berated us like that?
“What’s wrong with you wife? Why can’t you cook like my mother?”
“What’s wrong with you husband? My father never forgot to take out the garbage.”
I wanted to grab mom and shake her. “Can’t you see what you’re doing to your son. He can’t be like his brother because His Creator chose to make him as a one-of-a-kind, never-to-be-duplicated individual with unique talents and gifts to be able to accomplish just what God has planned for His life.”
But clearly my sermonette would not be welcome at this moment. I would talk with the boy later to try and encourage him. And I’d talk with Mom later to try and help her lift her vision and appreciate the uniqueness of her second child.
Here’s a good question to ask ourselves
What would my life be like if my spouse talked to me the way I talk to my children?
Hopefully you can say, “Wonderful. I would always be so encouraged and feel so cherished.”
Unfortunately many of us didn’t grow up with that kind of encouragement from our parents and even worse, some of us are continuing to treat our kids the same way we were treated – like more of a bother than a blessing.
Any fool can point out flaws and shortcomings. And there will be plenty of fools in this world that will do that for your kids.
As parents we need to be depositing tons of positives to counteract all the critics that will be dumping on our kids. Of course there’ll be times we need to correct them. But we can correct with the attitude of “you’re such a hopeless loser I can’t imagine you’ll ever get better” or we can communicate “you’re better than this. I am proud of all you’re becoming and together we’re going to make it. I’m on your side.”
There was a day we praised them just for rolling over, for taking a single step, for eating with a spoon, for using the potty. Surely we can find something to praise them for today as well.
Mom, Dad, you’re the most important person in your child’s life. Make sure your words to them are words of life, hope and encouragement.
With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.
James 3:9, 10
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