How to make rules that don’t produce rebellion.

Jana was the first to smell the smoke.

Flames filled our toaster oven. I jerked the plug and did precisely what they warn you not to do. As I prepared to douse the fire my brain screamed, “Don’t open the door – it’ll feed the fire with fresh oxygen!”

But I had no choice. Within seconds the flames were going to ignite the roll of paper towels above the toaster oven (Yeah, I know.) and be out of control.

I opened the door. The flames shot out. I fired back with a cup of water – right onto the super heated glass door. Glass shot everywhere. But the dragon was doused.

I’ve known parents who see rebellion burning in their child’s heart – like the fire in our toaster oven. But they’re afraid to “open the door” and confront it.

“We’re afraid we’ll make things worse if we enforce any rules.”

Here are some things I’ve learned about rebellion.

Rules don’t create rebellion.

Rebellion is in our heart at birth. Like throwing gasoline on a fire, harsh or unjust rules can make rebellion worse but we are born with a rebellious Adamic nature.

Rules don’t create rebellion they only reveal what is already inside each of us.

Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.
– Proverbs 22:15

The attitude we have when we confront rebellion affects the outcome.
If we confront rebellion with harshness or anger we most surely will feed the flame. If we confront it firmly but in a spirit of humility, showing greater concern for the child’s well being than for how their behavior affects us, we have a better chance of dousing the fire.

A gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger. – Proverbs 15:1

Not confronting rebellion guarantees disaster.

A confronted rebel might get more belligerent. But one thing is certain, like with my kitchen fire, standing back and doing nothing guarantees disaster.

Unchecked rebellion spreads. It grows more flagrant and more difficult to bring under control. You cannot ignore the flame. You must be prepared to confront it and persevere until the fire is under control.

Often the easiest path in the short run turns out to be the hardest path in the long run.

If we let the fire continue to burn unchecked eventually only the professionals will have the equipment to bring it under control – the fire department for my toaster oven – the police for an out of control individual.

Discipline your children while there is hope. Otherwise you will ruin their lives. – Proverbs 19:18