I switched on the car radio just in time to hear a father telling the DJ how much he loved his kids. You could hear the tears in his voice. Sweet.
But the more he talked the more I could tell this was not a tender Hallmark moment. Rather, it was a lousy dad trying to make up for his failures by talking to a total stranger on national radio.
His children were now adults and had all deserted him. Their mother, his wife, had also left him. It was evident he had driven them away. No one wanted anything to do with him. He was alone in life and now was publicly – but anonymously – expressing his deep love for them.
What started as a sweet moment quickly turned sour.
He mournfully whined, “I just hope they know how much I love them.” The DJ awkwardly tried to encourage him but I wanted to grab this guy by the collar and tell him man to man:
“Stop hoping they know how much you love them. You can talk! Tell them. It’s easy to whine to some anonymous DJ but if you really love them, get off the radio, dismiss the pity party, be a man and humble yourself. Yes, humble yourself. Call them – write them. Apologize for the jerk of a father you were and tell them you love them without asking anything in return. Spilling your guts on national radio may make you feel better but it is doing nothing for your kids who still need a father’s love even if they are grown adults.”
It’s probably good I didn’t go into the empathetic counseling field.
But get real folks.Learn from this dad’s sad story.
If you love your kids, tell them. Tell them exuberantly and regularly. If you love your spouse, say it, show it. Don’t “hope they know” or assume they know. Tell them. Tell them multiple times during the day in multiple ways.
Communicate in their love language. Touch them. Serve them. Give them time. Give them a gift. Tell them – show them. We all have leaky love buckets. We need to be regularly reminded that we have value and are loved.
No one, least of all our family, should ever have to wonder if we love them.
_________
1 John 4:9
God showed how much he loved us …
2 Comments
I think people also make the mistake of not expressing their love for their children when they fall into the trap of “trying to toughen their kids up”. These parents turn into emotional zombies whose only emotional expression is anger and apathy towards anything they deem a sign of emotional weakness in their child. Too often expressed love and sadness are lumped into the “emotionally weak” category, and children either get punished for displaying emotions or they’re told that their emotions are irrelevant and unimportant.
The parents fail to realize that there is great strength in a child who is sensitive to a wide range of emotions. It gives the person the ability to empathize with others. It’s a gift that not many people have and it should be encouraged.
I agree Lee! I have a sensitive kiddo and it is such a tough balance to try and teach her not to cry at every little sting (both physically and emotionally) without disregarding that God given tenderness and damaging her.
I feel like the world is naturally going to toughen her up so I want to make sure that when she needs that comfort from the stings the world gives, she knows she can come to me for comfort without judgment or ridicule. It is a VERY tough balance though, one I’m never quite sure I’m getting right. . Thank God He promises He’d give wisdom when we ask for it!