Responding to “Why do I have to do that?!”

I have a friend who does Ironman Triathlons – a 2.4-mile swim followed by a 112-mile bike ride and ending with a 26.2-mile run. If you complete the race within the allotted 17 hours you’re an “Ironman”. I’m impressed but …

… an Ironman’s endurance isn’t any greater than the endurance needed by a parent in the midst of an iron-will marathon with a child.

A main job of parenting is to help children bring their wills into submission to their parent’s will so they can later submit to God’s will. But that requires we win the battle of the wills with our children.

Here are a couple of tips on winning those iron-will marathons.

Discipline starts with me.

If I constantly have to repeat commands or slog through a swamp of whining before my child obeys I can be sure the problem isn’t my child – it’s me. I must discipline myself to calmly tell my kids what I need them to do and then apply consequences if they do not obey right away.

External obedience is not enough.

A boy who was forced to sit down defiantly said, “I may be sitting on the outside but I’m standing on the inside.” Such “obedience” shows the will has not been conquered and the child is still enslaved to his own ego and desires.

Our goal needs to be that our children obey with a pleasant attitude, no complaints, whining or talking back. I’m definitely not saying this is easy or we’ll always achieve it but it does need to be the goal we shoot for.

Responding to, “Why do I have to do that?”

We do want our children to learn from us and sometimes they gain insight by understanding why something needs to be done. But we are not accountable to them nor can they always understand the reasons. Therefore it’s important they learn we do not owe them an explanation and that they must obey even if we can’t give them a reason.

My response to “why” was usually, “Do what I told you then come back and I’ll tell you why. But first you must obey.” Strangely, once they obeyed, their curiosity was usually gone.

Isn’t this how God deals with us? Often I can’t comprehend the why of His commands and He doesn’t owe me an explanation. But when I obey sometimes I gain understanding. But I must learn to obey either way knowing that his commands are for my own good.

A child who never learns to submit his will to loving parents he can see will find it harder to some day submit to a God he cannot see.

Discipline your children, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to their death.
– Proverbs 19:18