At what age is my child old enough to date?

I recently spoke at a church conference where the final session was a panel discussion. Participants could ask the speakers any question. Yikes!

One very interesting question came at us, “At what age is my child ready to date?”

Awkward pause – each panel member hoping someone else would jump in. After no one else did, I decided this line drive was for me so I snagged it. Here’s basically what I said.

It seems to me that any time we start a parenting question with “At what age …” we are asking the wrong question. For example, “At what age can I get rid of the diapers?” We know it’s not a matter of age; it’s a matter of maturity and control. When they can control their bowel movements you can put the diapers away.

It isn’t about age. It’s about maturity and self-control. Can you see where I’m going with this? 

One area of maturity that needs to be demonstrated before our kids date is that they understand the purpose of dating.

Dating isn’t a way to get something – acceptance, security, assurance you won’t have to attend an event alone, self-confidence, social status, a steady friend, affection, gifts, sex, whatever.

Dating is a step toward marriage and so should be reserved for someone you would consider marrying. You’ve got no business dating a person you wouldn’t consider marrying. Which means, if you aren’t to a point in life where you are ready to marry you aren’t ready to date.

Crazy eh? It gets worse.

Until you’re ready for marriage it’s better to hang out in groups.

  1. It’s usually more fun because there is less pressure to perform – easier to just be yourself.
  2. It gives you an opportunity to meet lots of different types of people and see how they interact with others.
  3. Dating forces you to focus on one person to the exclusion of others. Instead, take advantage of this time in your life to branch out, explore, discover different types of people and broaden your horizons.

Finally, Scripture speaks of not being “unequally yoked to unbelievers” but I have seen many Christians who are miserable because they’re unequally yoked to another believer – one who lacks the same level of passion they have for the Lord.

You need to find a believer who is going the same direction you are with equal passion. You don’t want to be dragging your spouse into spiritual areas all your life. You want someone who will run alongside you in pursuit of the Lord.

If he or she does not challenge you to go deeper in the Lord now, then you need to drop that one ASAP because God has a better one out there for you. Trust Him enough to wait. You’ll be glad you did.

It’s much better to be single wishing you were married than to be married wishing you were single.

Marriage is more about being the right person than finding the right person. While you wait, focus upon becoming the right person.

Stop forming inappropriate relationships with unbelievers. Can right and wrong be partners? Can light have anything in common with darkness?     – 2 Corinthians 6:14  (God’s Word Translation)

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