When I was pioneering a church my wife and I were both occupied during the worship service. I was the worship leader and she was the worship team. We did have others who sang and played too but our participation was essential. However, we also had three small kids. How could we motivate them to not only pay attention but also participate in the service? I also wanted to train them to listen to the message.
I decided I would offer to pay them for taking notes during the service if they also participated – at least moved their mouths like they were singing – during the worship. I expected some Scripture references from the oldest and the youngest could draw pictures that represented what I was talking about.
Often I had no idea how they came to the conclusions they came to based upon what I said but if their notes indicated they had at least tried to follow me I paid them, I think, a dollar. Was I bribing my kids to be good or giving them a reward for obedience?
Here’s my take on why my cash-for-sermon-notes plan was a reward not a bribe.
It all has to do with who’s in charge of the situation. If I decide ahead of time that I want my kids to take notes on my message and that I am willing to pay them for that then it’s a reward.
If they’re acting up, I can’t figure any way to get them to sit quietly and I say, “OK, if you’ll take notes on the message this morning I’ll give you a dollar.” I’ve just paid a bribe – and I’m setting myself up for future extortion.
Bribes are given under duress. It’s not like you were planning to give a reward but you lost control. They aren’t obeying and the only way you see to get your kids to obey is to pay them off.
For example, you have to leave right now to go pick up your daughter and your younger son is refusing to move. “If you go to the car right now, I’ll buy you an ice cream cone on the way.” Bribe.
Rewards are offered when you are in control. You see you’ll have a little extra time if you leave now so you say, “If you go to the car right now, I’ll buy you an ice cream cone on the way.” Same statement, same outcome but totally different scene. This is a reward.
Paying kids to pay attention in church seemed a little crass at the time but I thought it was important that they enjoyed church and saw some benefit in being there. We were a tiny church with no whizz-bang kids’ program so this was a way they could see tangible benefit from Dad’s preaching even if it was on topics that didn’t impact their world in the least.
This was a reward because I was in charge. It was something I decided to do as a way to reward them for doing something that was hard for kids their age to do. As a good parent, God rewards generously but will never pay a bribe. Let’s follow His example.
Extortion turns a wise person into a fool, and a bribe corrupts the heart.
Ecclesiastes 7:7
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