I went to a very progressive high school. Later I realized that’s one reason I still struggle with math.
But they did have an awesome drivers training program complete with simulators. We would climb in our fake car, focus on the screen and for 30 minutes dodge stray dogs, brake for kids chasing balls and practice all sorts of evasive maneuvers.
But one crucial aspect of driving couldn’t be taught in the simulator. We couldn’t experience it until we got out onto the open highway.
Scores of gory road accident movies convinced us we did not want to have a head-on collision. So, logic says the best way to stay in your lane is to keep your eye on the center line so you always know where it is.
But the instructors warned us, “If you watch the line you will veer toward the line and you will die a bloody and horrible death.”
It was hard to believe but they were right – except about the “thou shalt surely die” part. If you watch the center line while you naturally drift toward that line.
It’s a principle in life: We are drawn toward that which we focus on.
This works with children, too.
God designed our children with a desire to please us. They naturally seek our approval and that means they will go toward that which we focus them on.
That is why it’s important we focus them on things of eternal value.
One subtle area I believe is often overlooked is in how we compliment our children.
When we want to say something nice our natural response is usually something like “Oh, what a pretty little girl”. Or “Oh, what a good looking young man.”
We have just focused on outward appearance and subtly said, “You will be accepted and admired if you are pretty, or good looking.”
I’m not saying you’ve forever warped a child by telling her she is pretty but what if we tried instead to focus on inward beauty – character – and complimented that when we saw it?
“I saw how you helped your sister. What a kind young man you are.”
“It’s good how you were so gentle with that puppy.”
“I am so proud of you for showing self-control when you could have gotten angry.”
When we compliment character we focus on and encourage them to go toward character.
There is very little they can do to change their appearance but they can spend a lifetime improving their character – and that has eternal value.
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. – Proverbs 31:30
Check out these 10 printable compliments for your daughter.
Check out these 10 printable compliments for your son.
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