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AN AMAZING TRUTH ABOUT FAMILY MEALS
I couldn’t believe it. The reporter said 20% of all meals in the United States are eaten in the car. Wow! I may have to stop texting and reading while I drive just so I can watch out for all the crazies who are downing a burger and fries while driving.
Jana was pretty mellow on most things but one thing she was an absolute momma bear about was everyone being present for dinner. I didn’t understand why it was such a big deal but because it meant so much to her I went along. I’m so glad I did because years later I realized how wise my wonderful wife was.
It’s true that sharing a snack got Adam and Eve in trouble but sharing a meal may be just what your kids need to stay out of trouble. Over the years study after study consistently confirms Jana’s wisdom.
Recently a Columbia University study once again validated the importance of family meals. They discovered that kids who have fewer than three family dinners a week with their parents are 2-4 times more likely to use alcohol, tobacco, marijuana and other drugs compared to kids who share 5-7 family dinners a week.
Here are four tips to make family meals meaningful. But first ….
Did you catch those numbers? Look at them again.
Less than three meals a week leads to as much as 4 times as likely to get into serious trouble!!
It is amazing what a daily dinner together can do for your family’s future and happiness.
Here are four tips on how to make those dinners meaningful.
- Listen
Make dinner a non-judgmental safe time. It’s not time to rebuke or confront. Listen and gain insight into your kid’s world. If they confess a struggle don’t immediately launch into lecture mode or you will shut them down. Problems can be addressed at another time, after you’ve prayed, processed and prepared. Make dinner a relaxed and enjoyable time where your kids feel free to express their heart concerns.
- Ask
To get your kids to reveal their hearts the pump may need priming. Ask pertinent questions about their world – which means you need to know and remember their hobbies, friends, interests and challenges. Asking specific questions – but not ones with suspicious undertones – shows you care and that you value them, their opinions and their struggles. Ask their thoughts on sensitive issues. “What are their friends saying about” … drugs, sexual activity, etc? This is a “safe way” for them to share their own questions. - Open up
Letting them know – age appropriately – that you struggled with some of the same things they do brings connection. I’ve discovered the quickest way to get someone to open their heart to you is for you to model vulnerability. If your children feel safe sharing their struggles with you they won’t feel they have to go to equally clueless peers for guidance. If every conversation ends in a lecture they will stop coming to you. - Prioritize
We had daily family dinner times because my wise and wonderful wife insisted upon it. Occasionally an event would interrupt this sacred time but it was a priority with her and we all knew it so it became a priority for us, too. Other activities were scheduled around dinner.
If your children are older and you already have a bucket full of practices, games, rehearsals and after school activities it may take a while for you to pare these down so the family can actually have time to eat at home together. And perhaps breakfast is the best meal for your family to gather around. Either way, the sooner you start the easier it will be.
Oh, and did I mention:
- Eating in the car while rushing to some activity does not count.
- The TV needs to be off and cell phones or other distraction off limits during meal times.
If you will make daily mealtimes a fun, relaxed, connection time that you children and you look forward to, the research says you will be glad you did.
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