I recently watched a parenting video by an “expert” who was totally against spanking. Instead, he suggested timeouts. At home he suggested sending a child to his room.
“But what if the child won’t stay in his room?” a parent asked.
“Put a lock on the room.” I’m not kidding. That was his solution.
“But what if the angry child locked in his room begins destroying it?”
He gave an example of a kid who overturned drawers and shelves and even ripped down the curtains. His suggestion? Don’t do anything. Let him live in the mess until he gets tired of not being able to find anything and then he will want to clean it up himself.
Hah! I have no idea what planet the kids he works with are from but earthling kids who would destroy their room don’t usually worry if their room is a constant mess.
If you’re concerned your child will destroy the room and you want to check on him after you lock it, he suggested making a dutch door. Really?! Cut the door in half so you can lock the lower half and look over the top half.
He then told of having to renail the door frame on his own son’s room 6 times while he was growing up because the boy would so violently slam the door when he was sent to his room. Dr Expert didn’t do anything to stop the slamming. He just repeatedly fixed the door. Seriously?!
This guy is a recommended expert. People actually pay good money to buy his videos on how to train kids. He travels the country and does seminars on this stuff.
I would simply say, you can buy the locks and bolts, saw your doors in half and allow your kid to rule your home – or you could try what Scripture suggests.
A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother. (Proverbs 29:15) I would add, “a child left undisciplined also adds a lot of work for his father – cutting doors in half, fixing door frames and tolerating a tiny tyrant running his home.
Spanking is probably the most misunderstood child training tool and it’s these misunderstandings that create all the myths associated with it. Here are a couple spanking myths and some references for those who want to know more about how to simplify their lives by following Biblical counsel and using the rod to impart wisdom.
- MYTH: It teaches violence.
When done properly, spanking is not a violent act. It’s done calmly in a controlled manner and is a way to work with our children to help them learn self-control. Unlike the parent who simply tosses the kid in the room, locks the door and wanders off hoping some miraculous transformation will take place without parental input or guidance.
- MYTH: Spanking does not change a child’s behavior.
Really? I know it always changed mine.
But there are some reasons it may not work. Here are some examples and what to do to make it effective.
- A Simple Solution When Spanking Does Not Work.
- 4 Things We Do That Make Spanking Ineffective.
- 3 Things I Learned From Spanking Other People’s Children
- MYTH: Spanking is child abuse.
Like giving a vaccine, a spanking inflicts a controlled amount of pain now to help the child avoid greater pain in the future.
- Why You Should Not Spank Your Children in Public. It’s not why you think.
- After a spanking my daughter shocked me when she did this.
For more complete information on the wisdom of God’s recommended method of child discipline check out a book I wrote specifically to bring clarity to this area of parenting – Spare the Rod. While talking about five times you should not spank your child it actually provides insight on when you should and the attitude you should have as you approach spanking your child.
SPARE THE ROD
Order a Kindle or paperback version.
2 Comments
That’s kind of strange. I used time-outs a lot in teaching and I still use them a lot in parenting – but this is not how it works at all. Time outs are usually a voluntary choice. I offered students the chance to “go out in the hallway and cool off for a couple minutes” rather than a consequence (like going to the principal’s office) it was offering them the opportunity to get their behavior under control by themselves. I use it the same way with J – it’s an opportunity for redemption, not a punishment. For example if I am out at a park and J misbehaves, a time out gives him the opportunity to choose a lesser consequence calming down rather than leaving immediately for example.
This situation totally defeats that whole purpose – it’s to teach kids self-control. I’m not sure why the guy on TV would think that would work in the first place?
Now sometimes J gets put in time-out but part of that is because it works – he stays, calms down or thinks about the situation and then we go on with whatever. But if it stopped working, we’d do something else and figure out something that did work instead.
Isn’t the whole goal of discipline to get kids to learn self-control and behave appropriately on their own? So if something isn’t working isn’t the best course of action to just try something else?
Hi Joy –
I agree totally. The main goal is for our kids to learn self-control and to behave appropriately on their own (which some of us are still working on). And, you are right, sometimes something works for awhile and then it no longer works. That’s when you go with something else. Training children is like driving down the highway, you have to always be willing to adjust, move here, take a little turn there to keep moving forward. Thanks for the comment.